How to Trust Yourself in Relationships, Heal Heartbreak, and Rebuild Your Identity with Connie Kulczycki
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What if the relationship you're questioning is actually showing you exactly who you're becoming?
In this episode of The Inner Script, Stephanie Baubie, NP sits down with author Connie Kulczycki to explore what it really takes to rebuild your identity after a relationship or three — falls apart. Connie is the author of No Longer Her(e), and through the lens of three pivotal relationships, she shares how love, betrayal, and self-discovery slowly dismantled the roles she'd been playing and pushed her toward a more honest version of herself.
Together, Stephanie and Connie unpack how emotional misalignment shows up in relationships long before we're ready to admit it as anxiety, control, people-pleasing, or that quiet, constricting feeling that something isn't right. They also talk about how unprocessed emotions can surface physically, from unexplained rashes to recurring illness, and why the body often knows the truth before the mind catches up.
This conversation goes far beyond breakup advice. It's about self-trust: learning to stop outsourcing your decisions to a partner, a friend, or a fear-based inner voice, and instead coming back to your own intuition, even when it's inconvenient or scary. Connie's story of walking away from a marriage that looked perfect on paper and the karmic, soul-level relationship that came after offers a real, unfiltered look at what healing and identity rebuilding actually look like.
This episode is for you if…
You feel stuck in a relationship but don't know why.
You've experienced heartbreak, betrayal, or identity loss.
You're navigating self-discovery after a breakup or major life shift.
Episode Timestamps
00:00 Introduction
00:17 Meet Connie Kulczycki
07:16 Early Identity Shifts
08:38 Relationships As Mirrors
12:14 The Moment Everything Changed
16:08 Marriage And Misalignment
22:04 Burnout And Physical Symptoms
33:43 Karmic Relationships Explained
47:09 Healing Grief And Letting Go
55:03 Learning To Trust Yourself
Resources & Mentions
Curious about a supplement Steph has mentioned in the episode?
If you’re looking for products Steph personally recommends in practice, you can browse her dispensary here: Stephanie’s Fullscript dispensary
Please consult your healthcare provider before starting any new supplement. Food, lifestyle, and nervous system support always come first.
Free Guide: Is It Your Intuition or Fear?
This free 1-page guide breaks down the real difference between intuition and fear in relationships, with journaling prompts and a self-trust reset to help you tell the two apart before you make your next move. Download it here: Patreon companion resource
You can also join Steph’s free Patreon community here:
The Inner Script Patreon
Meet Connie Kulczycki
Connie Kulczycki is a writer, digital nomad, yoga teacher, and marketer and the author of No Longer Her(e), a deeply personal exploration of identity, relationships, and the courage it takes to rebuild your life after everything you thought defined you falls apart. For nearly a decade, she's traveled the world while chasing the answer to one question: what actually makes a life feel like home. After walking away from a marriage and a future that looked perfect on paper, she chose reinvention over resentment and has been rewriting the rules ever since. Connie is deeply curious about love, identity, freedom, and the courage it takes to become yourself again and again and she brings both emotional depth and bold honesty to everything she creates. Website: https://www.mindbodyworld.co
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ckulll/
Mind Body World Website & Connie’s Instagram
Meet Your Host
Stephanie Baubie, NP is an integrative nurse practitioner and the host of The Inner Script Podcast, where she explores the deeper stories behind health, healing, identity, and transformation. Through a blend of functional medicine, nervous system awareness, emotional insight, and honest conversation, Stephanie helps women better understand their bodies while questioning the narratives they’ve inherited about wellness, worth, and what it means to truly feel well.
On The Inner Script, Stephanie sits down with physicians, founders, thought leaders, and experts in women’s health, while also sharing solo reflections on the transitions and inner shifts that shape our lives.
Follow Steph on Instagram.
FAQs
How do I know if I should leave a relationship?
In this episode of The Inner Script, Stephanie Baubie and author Connie Kulczycki discuss how consistently feeling misaligned, disconnected, or like you can't be your true self is often a sign it's time to reflect on whether a relationship still supports your growth. Connie shares how she recognized this feeling in her own marriage long before she was ready to act on it.
Can heartbreak actually help you grow?
Yes. Connie Kulczycki, author of No Longer Her(e), explains on The Inner Script how the most painful heartbreak of her life became the catalyst for her book and for reconnecting with who she really was. While heartbreak is never easy, it often creates the space needed to rebuild a more aligned, authentic life.
Why does my body react when something feels off in a relationship?
Stephanie Baubie and Connie Kulczycki discuss how the body frequently processes emotional misalignment before the mind consciously catches up. Connie shares how unprocessed stress in one relationship showed up as a persistent rash, and how symptoms like fatigue, skin issues, or recurring illness can be the body's way of asking you to slow down and pay attention.
What is a karmic relationship?
On this episode of The Inner Script, Connie Kulczycki describes a karmic relationship as an intense, soul-level connection that mirrors your deepest wounds and pushes you toward growth, even when it's painful. She shares how recognizing a relationship as karmic helped her understand why it felt so magnetic and why letting go took so much longer to process than her other relationships.
How do I start trusting my intuition instead of outsourcing my decisions?
Connie Kulczycki explains that self-trust starts with sitting quietly with yourself and asking what you actually want, rather than turning to a partner, friend, or family member for the answer. On The Inner Script, she and Stephanie Baubie discuss how learning to listen to your own inner voice, even when it contradicts what looks perfect on paper, is the foundation of making aligned decisions.
Is closure necessary after a breakup?
Not necessarily. Connie Kulczycki shares on The Inner Script that after years of hoping for closure from past relationships, she came to believe that closure is something we create for ourselves rather than something another person can give us. She and Stephanie Baubie discuss how self-trust and internal peace matter more than getting the "perfect" final conversation.
How can I rebuild my identity after a breakup or divorce?
Stephanie Baubie and Connie Kulczycki discuss how rebuilding identity after a major relationship ends starts with getting honest about who you were being in that relationship versus who you actually are. Connie shares how walking away from a marriage that looked ideal from the outside allowed her to rediscover herself through travel, writing, and radical self-trust.
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Everything shared here is for educational purposes and personal reflection only. Not medical advice. Always work with your own healthcare provider for individual care.
Stephanie Baubie NP: Hello everybody and welcome back to the Inter Script Podcast. I have a really fun guest here today. I am joined by Connie Kki. She is the author of No Longer Here, deeply Personal Exploration of Identity, relationships, and the courage it takes to rebuild your life after everything you thought defined you.
Falls apart through the lens of three pivotal relationships. So relatable finance man, GI Joe, and McDreamy Connie reflects on the ways love, betrayal, and self-discovery can dismantle the roles we've been playing and push us toward a more honest version of ourselves. Connie has also been a digital nomad for the last eight years and is currently in Brazil.
Right.
Connie Kulczycki: Yes.
Stephanie Baubie NP: Love it. Okay. And I also wanna name how I found Connie, because I think it's a really funny story, but this isn't why she's on here. But it kind of led to this connection getting formed, which I think is just, it's very funny. So back in the fall, Connie, where I follow this woman, modern astrologer, Lauren O'Connell, she actually, I meet with her for astrology readings, and Lauren posted a picture of her and Connie on her Instagram, and I was like.
Why does this girl look familiar? So I clicked Connie's Instagram and I realized she was the ex-girlfriend of someone I like briefly, briefly dated like years ago. You know, at the time when I was seeing this person, you know, she was on his Instagram. So as one does you stalk the ex-girlfriend, I mean, what's not more relatable than that.
So I was like, oh, cool. And I saw that she was publishing a book, which I was like, great for her. Went on with my day, and then a few months later, she showed up in my discovery page and talking about her book. And I'm just like, I kind of feel called to read this because it's so relatable. We've all been there.
The heartbreak, the love, betrayal, all the things. So that's how I found her. But that's not why she's on here talking about that whole thing. She's on here to talk about her whole experience. So, so happy that you came on. Love that you're here.
Connie Kulczycki: Thank you so much, Stephanie. I'm so thrilled to be here. It's kind of a dream come true. Honestly, this is my first official podcast since being a published author. And I didn't know where to take my book. I just published in January as a first time author, as an indie author, as not really knowing what I'm doing.
I've been kind of throwing everything at the wall and just trying to figure out what to do. And you showed up in my dms and I was like, you know what this is, this is it. This is where it's gonna take me. And I think having that small world connection, and especially because the man in finance was someone who.
I talked about in my book, and he was the motivator behind becoming a digital nomad. So I think it's an even cooler connection of how we got brought together. So thank you.
Stephanie Baubie NP: Of course. And you know, when I was kind of toyed with the idea, honestly to tell you, but I'm like, no. Like that's lacking transparency. And also it's like, who cares at the same time? And I knew you'd be cool with it. I just, I kind of got a feel of your vibe. I feel like very intuitive person. I can tell.
Highly empathic. I'm like, she'll get it. It's fine.
Connie Kulczycki: And also like that's what the book is about. It's about being vulnerable. It's about being upfront, it's about being, when you hide those things, then you're actually hiding your true self. And writing the book has been the hardest thing I've ever done publishing. The book has been the second hardest thing I've ever done, and it's just really taught me that in every situation it's how can I be the most open, honest, true version of myself?
All the feedback I've gotten from the book has been, wow, how vulnerable is this? Wow, you're so raw in it. And that's what I want to inspire people to think about in their day to day, and not just with these big life things, but like just showing up in a simple conversation with a girlfriend.
Stephanie Baubie NP: I'm so glad you phrased it that way because we're so scared to show the messy parts of ourselves, but it's also like. It's the most relatable part of ourselves. Like that's why I loved your story so much because you didn't hold anything back. I think also it goes to show where I'm in my life right now, like I'm putting all of my shit out there right now.
It just felt so real and authentic and I think we need more of that in life. And I mean, I think the messy parts of ourselves are actually the most beautiful part. And I know that sounds so corny. But it's like that really brings you into growth. You have to kind of identify those aspects of yourselves that are no longer her.
Connie Kulczycki: I think it's those messy parts. Like I never would've written this book, and I know we'll get into it a little bit more, but I wrote this book coming out of one of the worst heartbreaks I have gone through thus far. And if I hadn't gone through that, yes, maybe I would've written a book in the future. But would it have been as powerful?
Would it have been as raw? Would it have been what it is if that hadn't happened? I honestly, I don't think so. And of course I don't wish anyone to go through terrible heartbreaks. It's not fun. But how can you alchemize that situation into something more beautiful? Because I always reminded myself and any pain that I'm going through, the capacity that I'm able to hold that pain on the opposite side of the spectrum is the capacity.
I can have joy, and every time I get a little bit deeper in my pain and in my grief, everything is blowing up. I know that on the other end of it is. So much joy, so much happiness, things that I could not even imagine to be possible, and that's what this book was for me.
Stephanie Baubie NP: No, and it's such a beautiful story and you are a very gifted writer. Like I felt like I was on that journey with you.
Connie Kulczycki: That's exactly what I wanted. I wanted it to be like two girlfriends chatting over coffee and just deep in the story. I didn't want it to be lessons. I wanted it to be how do you see yourself and like how can you reflect back on your life on those pivotal moments? Where have you taken it? Where do you wanna go?
How can I inspire other people? Yeah. We so often hide those messy parts and I hit them the majority of my life. I'm a very dramatic, I love to be like I wanna be, you know, but I hi it my whole life. And then I'd like go cry in the corner and no one would actually know I was upset. But that's. Also the best part of me is how can I turn it into this crazy story?
Because now you know, if I'm being dramatic, it's because I'm just trying to tell my story in a funny way that engages people.
Stephanie Baubie NP: Let's get into it. I'm really excited to dive in. So, you know your book is called No Longer Her. Before we talk about the relationships in the book, finance Man, GI Joe and McDreamy. So who was that? Her. You realized you were no longer, many versions.
Connie Kulczycki: I've gone through a thousand iterations of myself and small ones and big ones, and I think the book documents the really big ones, but that version of myself was the people pleasing version. The one that my parents and, and no wrongdoing to them, but my parents, my family, my friends, my teachers, just who you grow up around, they had this vision of who I was supposed to be and who I was supposed to grow up into.
And. I just realized that that was not me at all, and that version of me really, really wanted to explore, but didn't know how to, didn't understand how to break out of the mold. When I go back and read those first couple chapters of my story, I'm like, oh my gosh, who is that girl? She's so scared. And now it's like you could ask me to do anything and I'm, yeah, okay.
What time, what day? Let me schedule that around my meeting, but sure, I'll be there. It's so easy, whereas back then I wanted to say yes to all of it, but I didn't know how to, I didn't have the courage. I didn't have the confidence for it.
Stephanie Baubie NP: And that makes total sense, and you really portray that very beautifully in your story. I mean, let's kind of get into those specific relationships you describe. In your book Relationships as Mirrors, when you look back at finance man, GI Joe, and McDreamy, what did each relationship reflect back to you about who you were at that stage of your life?
Because it's such a relatable thing. I think if anyone listening looks back at their different relationships, myself included, and you're like WTF, like what?
Connie Kulczycki: What was going on there? What was I thinking? I'm confused.
Stephanie Baubie NP: And that's all part of it. Like you have to go through it to get, to literally get out of it.
Connie Kulczycki: You aren't just born with the knowledge, you have to go through these experiences to understand. And I also think part of it is, is are you willing to look in the mirror? And I know for the longest time I wasn't willing to, it was until it, I could not, not look at myself. It came to the point where a little spoiler alert in the first chapter, but the man in finance ended up cheating on me and I broke up with him and I.
Became a digital nomad if he hadn't done that and he had done it multiple times, but it was that last time that like really broke the camel's back. It was that girl that was too scared to say yes to herself. That was my biggest mirror at that time, that final time I remember I woke up after having a dream that.
I knew he had cheated on me. And I looked at myself in the mirror and I was like, this is your moment. Are you gonna say yes to yourself? And I knew that I had to, no matter how scary it was. And so that was the first time that I was actually able to say, okay, we're gonna do something differently. We thought we were supposed to get married to our high school sweetheart.
That obviously didn't happen. So let's get married to our college sweetheart. This isn't gonna happen anymore, and that's okay. And you have to put. That fairytale that you thought you were supposed to have away? So I said yes to myself, with him, with GI Joe. That one was all about. I mean, there was a lot there, but I think that one was really about control and still trying to somehow fit into the mold that I thought I was supposed to have, but I still wasn't quite there.
Like how can I spin it a little bit to make it my own and control it? To be my own. And how could I also at the same time, just be the most angry, resentful version of myself because I wanted to control it. But obviously when you try to control something, it never works. So with GI Joe, it was definitely all about control.
And then with McDreamy, it was like almost swinging to the other side, and how far can I push the envelope? What can I do that? Still is like true to me, but is unconventional for the rest of the world. And that was really about finding my boundaries because with McDreamy, we were in an open relationship the first two years of our relationship, and with some people I could talk about it.
But my friends from college, I didn't feel quite safe enough because that's not the route that they went. And so it was really just what am I comfortable with and where do I actually wanna go? And as soon as I got out of the relationship with him, when I was going through that breakup, I sat on that question so much.
Like, am I meant to be in oh one person relationship? Am I meant to be in a monogamous relationship? All these questions, I realize like, yes, but I also still need to have a relationship that. It completely pushes my boundaries in every other way and that container with the actual partner, I need to feel safe and it needs to be just with him.
Stephanie Baubie NP: And that's so fair. We're gonna get deeper. Definitely into, oh my gosh, the McDreamy, like that was gut wrenching for me to read. I wanna go back, 'cause you mentioned about finance man, like you had this dream that he cheated on you, which is crazy. Like I've actually, I've, I've experienced something like that too.
But what about that? 'cause you mentioned it happened. Multiple times. What about that moment made it kind of different? Like what was it like, okay, this is like, what about that specific moment where you're like, all right, I am done.
Connie Kulczycki: I think at that point we had been together for about five years at that point, and we had been living together. We were going on, I think our third year of living together. We were in the city. I was on my second job already and I had. Just graduated college two years prior, so like two jobs in two years.
Everything was being shaken up. It just, none of it felt right. I felt like I was just caged in living someone else's life. When I had the dream that you mentioned, I was at my parents' house for Memorial Day. We were doing like the whole barbecue. He was on a guy's trip in Nashville. I was sound asleep. I hadn't been talking to him a lot that weekend, so I was like a little anxious about it, but for some reason I was able to really fall asleep that night and I had a dream that.
He cheated on me with this girl at a bar and I did later find out, I knew, found out who the girl was. I actually saw her in my dream as well, which is insane. Like I like feel like I actually saw the moment.
Stephanie Baubie NP: I was going to say you were having an out-of-body experience. You like transported.
Connie Kulczycki: A hundred percent. So I saw it actually happen. I sat up in bed and I was like, it's over. And then I fell back asleep. I literally just went right back down, like it didn't even happen. And I woke up the next morning and I was like, okay. It's done like there's no other choice. You already said it out loud and once I say something out loud, because I'm used to bottling things up, once I say it out loud, I cannot do it.
So I said it out loud, and even though no one heard me, I heard me. And as hard as it was those next couple of weeks moving out of the apartment and moving back in with my parents and actually breaking up with him and just having to go through all of those emotions, I had to do it for myself.
Stephanie Baubie NP: I think you said in one of the chapters, something like at the end of the finance man chapter, you were like, so thank you, finance man. And it wasn't in a way of like shame. It was just like, actually thank you. And I think that's just a beautiful thing because. I think many of us can hold on to that, like anger and resentment of getting it cheated on, but it's wonderful when it becomes kind of one of your biggest blessings.
That line, it was just so like, it was so good. You just tied it into a bow. You're like, thank you so much.
Connie Kulczycki: I don't have regrets about how I wrote my book. There's a couple things I change now, just because your life is always evolving, and I wrote that book a year ago. I edited it six months ago. It's all. Very different than where I am now. I wish I had thanked each of my partners at the end of their mini story because I loved that part of the ending of that chapter, and I wish I had done that for all of them.
So this is my little, if anyone's listening, if any of you're listening, thank you. I wanna be here without you.
Stephanie Baubie NP: And I think it's good to kind of name this too, like. We're talking about these people and it's not like shaming them in any way. That's not what we're doing here. So I just, I think that's, it's just we are all here for a different reason. We've all made mistakes, we all contribute in relationships. It always takes two people to tango.
It isn't about blame or shame, it's just kind of like your story. And I think you definitely explained that in the book. It wasn't any like shaming at all. So I just wanna like say that because you did. Do that beautifully. It's just like, this is my story.
Connie Kulczycki: I know I was very much, because it's hard when you're talking about relationships. There's two people in it and I'm the one person writing it, and it's all from my perspective and that's something I. Am a lot more conscious of now, especially when people are like, oh, what happened with X, Y, and Z? Or just even friendship situations now I'm always like, this is my perspective.
This is what happened. There's always two sides to the story and one truth. So take that as you will, and I think it's really important to name that, especially when you're writing a book that is nonfiction.
Stephanie Baubie NP: Let's talk about the marriage to GI Joe, because there was so much going on there.
Connie Kulczycki: I laugh because it's crazy, because I look back on that time and I'm like, what was I doing? I'm still tired from that time, and that was six years ago. I'm exhausted.
Stephanie Baubie NP: I could feel it reading it like you did such a good job. So you met him and it was kind of felt like this whirlwind he looked, he was kind of the picturesque guy. Perfect. On paper, but I'm not gonna put words in your mouth. So.
Connie Kulczycki: I met him and he was like my savior. And it's hard now because obviously it's all in hindsight. I very quickly fell in love with him, and that's also something about me. I very quickly fall in love with people. I'm a Libra, I'm a lover. What do you want from me? Like I'm ruled by Venus. Like I just love it.
So I very quickly fell in love with him. He could not have been more different than the man in finance, and to me that was. He's the one he must be because this was the one I was supposed to marry. I thought I was going to, and now here's my knight in shining armor and he's in the military. How romantic.
Now I can have my cake and eat it too. He can be traveling, he can be deployed, and I'll be traveling. And then when he's here, I'll pretend to be the perfect housewife. It couldn't be better, and it was great. I'm not gonna say that it wasn't amazing, but in hindsight it was. Yeah, I fell in love with him because I had one weekend a month with him.
And how can you not fall in love with someone when you have limited time with them and then throw in deployments and the story? Behind a military relationship just growing up in the US I feel like we kind of romanticize that and we forget how hard it is to be with someone that you don't actually see, that you don't actually talk to, that you might get one email a day from and try to keep a relationship alive, and the recitations that you see on the TV are in the news.
They're beautiful, they're heartfelt. I will cry at every single one that I still see because how can you not? But then you're with that person all the time and you haven't been with them for months. And that reintegration, I didn't realize how hard it would be. I remember the first time GI Joe came back from a deployment once we got married, and then once I moved to Virginia, he was on his first deployment and I had my dog, Lou with me in Virginia, and he came back and he walked in the house and like.
You know, said hi to me, did the whole thing, said hi to Lou. And Lou was so pissed at him that she ran from the front entryway into our bedroom, sat on top of his pillow, and he like followed her into the bedroom trying to get a hug. She looked at him and peed directly on his pillow as a little f you.
Like you just left me and you come back and this is how you think you can treat me. Absolutely not. I think that story is a perfect synonym for just how hard it is.
Stephanie Baubie NP: So, so hard to be away from each other. So when did you realize it wasn't it?
Connie Kulczycki: Okay. There were many small moments. I would say though, the biggest one, the one where it was like hitting me over the head was two weeks before our wedding. He had just gotten back from a deployment and he had proposed to me on national television like. Officially it proposed to me, we were on CBS, good Morning America, the whole thing.
So romantic, amazing how like every girl's dream. I was sitting there and I was like, this is not what I want, but the wedding is two weeks away and I just dumped all of my savings into this. And I'm like looking at him and I'm like, wow, this man is so in love with me and so kind and would do literally anything for me.
And I don't wanna be with him. And shortly after that, there was, we had some really like deep conversations about how we wanted to take our life since we were getting married in two weeks. And I found out he was in a lot of debt. And in that moment, finances were very, very important to me. And they still are, but not to the same extent that they were.
This was me trying to control the situation, obviously. And he was in a ton of debt. But he didn't realize he was, and we had had this conversation before and I was like, how can I marry someone who doesn't know that they're in debt? I was like, I shouldn't be doing this. I just paid for a whole wedding and I shouldn't be doing this.
And there were a ton of little moments. So we got married two weeks afterwards. Obviously I walked down the aisle, we did the whole thing. And also as we were saying, our vows. I'm just also remembering this moment. As we were saying our vows, I couldn't look 'em in the eyes. I was like, I, this isn't the person.
This isn't who I wanna be with. And I remember I kept like looking off to the side. I was like, why am I looking to the side like the person I should be talking to? There was a bunch of little moments after that. I'd say another really big one was when we went on our honeymoon to Brazil, ironically, and he sat down at a cafe when we first arrived, and he was just so.
American in that moment and being someone who had traveled a lot and he really hadn't. I was just, I got the ick and I was like, I don't think I can do this. And I was like, oh no. What do I do? We're on our honeymoon in Brazil. What do I do?
Stephanie Baubie NP: I haven't been married, but I've been in situations where it's just like, all of a sudden it's like subtle that you know you're not supposed to be with somebody, but then all of a sudden it's like, and it's just like this constriction and it just, it's so uncomfortable. I feel like many people can relate to that.
Connie Kulczycki: It's an unfortunate thing to relate to, but yeah.
Stephanie Baubie NP: Yeah, no, and I think it's like, I'm just so glad you share that in your book because I feel like a lot of people kind of do feel that in their relationship or even a marriage, you know, it doesn't mean you have to stay in it. And I know that's like such a hot take and obviously there's situations to work on it and work it out, but it's like if you are feeling that like misalignment in your relationship, it's just an opportunity to listen is.
I think the point there, but So eventually you guys get both. Go to Japan, right? That was during like COVID, from what I remember. Okay. And I mean that was like a very dark period of time for you.
Connie Kulczycki: I would say it was probably one of my darkest periods of life.
Stephanie Baubie NP: Yeah. Reading that was like tear jerking, like where were you at at that point? Were you just kind of like going through the motions?
Connie Kulczycki: So at that point, I wanna back up a little bit because another point that I had realized that I wasn't supposed to be with him was a couple months prior to moving to Japan, I, he was deployed and I went on this program called Remote Year. I'm traveling, I'm living my best life. And he officially deployed, like once I had already gone on the trip and that day I could feel the weight lift off of my shoulders.
And I was like, oh, that's kind of weird. Why am I feeling that way? And then from that point on on the trip, I felt like I was actually myself. I felt like I could actually be present. I felt like I could. Actually just live and do what I wanted to without the constraints of him. And about a month and a half after that, I cheated on him.
And that was, I woke up the next morning and I was like, yeah, okay. I'm really like, what am I doing here? What am I doing in this relationship? At that point, he was deployed and I can't send an email to a man stuck on a ship in the middle of nowhere and say, Hey, by the way, it's over. So then COVID hit and his deployment got extended and he ended up coming back later that summer.
So I think at that point it was. Eight or nine months that we had been separated. And so I was going through the guilt, the shame, the processing, the trying to turn around the blame and put it on him for my infidelity. And then also just processing like what happened there. And I do think in the book, I don't.
Expand on that time period of my life as much as I think is due. And I think that's, that's a whole other book that's gonna be coming because I processed so much, I was so mean to GI Joe in that time period because I tried to take all the blame off of myself and put it on him. And I think that was also one of my biggest mirrors during that relationship is how I can manipulate my partner and take everything off of my plate and make it their fault.
Make it all about them, and they're the one who made me do this and it's their responsibility and I'm the perfect person, which isn't true and was a huge learning for me and also the hardest thing that I learned out of that relationship. So I'm processing all that and. Then he comes back from deployment and then we have to go to Japan.
Because he gets, he gets moved. And when I was in Japan, I didn't see him. I was working US hours, so I was working overnight and he was working during Japan daytime, so I wasn't seeing him. I was cranky. I was sleeping like two to three hours a night. And that is when I realized how important sleep is to, I always knew it was, but not how important it was.
I hit a level of depression that I don't even know how to put it into words. It was so dark all the time. All I wanted to do was either sleep, which I couldn't do because I was so wired. I was so sad. I was so outta my schedule. I was just so unhappy. So I. I wasn't sleeping even more, or I just wanted to drink, and it just created the worst version of myself that really had me contemplating, why am I here?
What's the point? If this is what my life is supposed to be, if this is what my marriage is supposed to be, I do not wanna be here. I do not want this, and I didn't know how to get out of it. I didn't know how to disappoint everyone in my life by choosing myself. It took literally another strain of COVID to pull me out of the country.
It was something that I couldn't even make the choice for myself. I, I mean, I made the choice to leave, but it was because something else happened. It wasn't because I was strong enough in that moment to do it for myself. So I'm also a little bit thankful for COVID in that moment, even though it was terrible.
I know I'm not supposed to say that, but like.
Stephanie Baubie NP: Here's the thing, like look, the universe always has our back. You know, if we were always strong enough to pull us out of a situation. None of us would maybe be in our situations right now. So, you know, we're in a relationship with ourselves and the universe. So look, we've all been there, but I mean, that's what like allowed you to get out and you wouldn't make that mistake again.
You know, I don't wanna say mistake because there's no such thing as mistakes. Yeah. I mean, you sharing the infidelity in the book was so. Number one, brave. And also I think in, in my mind when I was reading it, I feel like you were taking accountability and responsibility and what I was like, the kind of screaming, I was like, give yourself some grace.
Give yourself compassion. Because there was just so many like, like you were literally just doing your best, I think. You know, with infidelity, it's not so black and white. And look, this is coming from somebody I have been cheated on as well. I just think it's not so black and white and there's comes in. I don't believe in the, in the line.
You know, once a cheater, always a cheater. I truthfully don't believe that. You know, with that infidelity part, like how were you able to give yourself compassion at, at that point? Because you, in my mind, reading this, I'm, I was like, you were so hard on yourself and you know, obviously infidelity is never justified, but what I always say, there's always reasons behind our behaviors.
So let's try to understand them and then give ourselves compassion. So how were you able to do that?
Connie Kulczycki: It took me a really long time, and I wanna say honestly, up until about a year or two ago, I was not able to fully give myself compassion, and that first year afterwards, I wasn't able to talk about it with people. Who were like past Connie friends and past Connie connections, anyone that I met moving forward from that relationship, I was able to talk about it, but it was almost in a self-deprecating way.
Yeah, I was such a terrible human. I cheated on my husband and it was like in that like trying to put it off is still wasn't giving myself compassion for it, and I was able to say yes. I was in a really hard position. I couldn't feel it yet, and it took going through another relationship and just honestly, time.
It's interesting that the forgiveness for myself also kind of followed the timeline of forgiveness that you have with a partner after you break up with them, or if you have a really bad friendship breakup or just with leaving a job. It followed that same grief timeline in a different way. Of course.
And it was also, it felt a lot harsher because it was for myself, and I hold myself to such a high standard, and I don't know why I did that, and I know why I did it, but in that time I was like, why would you do that? How could you let yourself do that? And compromising my values, I just could not forgive myself for it, and it took me a while.
Stephanie Baubie NP: I think it's helpful too, be to kind of spin this because I think self-forgiveness can be so hard because many of us are so hard on ourselves. But like if a friend of yours had done that exact same thing. He would've been like, dude, forgive yourself. I understand. Like that was hard. It's okay. Like you hadn't seen your husband for eight to nine months.
You felt this misalignment. Your heart was breaking already. You were grieving this life you thought you were going to have, like you were just doing your like kind of your best at that time and kind of trying to show up for yourself at that times.
Connie Kulczycki: It's a hard lesson and I think, I can't say, I don't know what's gonna happen. I can't tell the future. I hope I never do that again. I hope I never compromise my values in that specific way again, but I'm sure I'm gonna let. Myself down in a different type of way, and I'm sure it's gonna hit in the same way, but can I give my self compassion through it better and quicker and forgive myself and hold myself through it?
Give myself grace because we are just humans and we are just living life for the first time, figuring it all out as it happens. And I know I used to think the adults have it all figured out, but somehow I'm an adult and I do not have it figured out.
Stephanie Baubie NP: No one has it all figured out, and we never will. That's the thing.
Connie Kulczycki: Exactly, and that's what we have to remind ourselves of, that it's how can you show up the best way possible in every single situation day to day? And that doesn't mean that you don't have hard moments and you don't have hard weeks and hard months because that's unrealistic. Of course you are. But can you still be like, hi, I am still gonna smile today.
I'm gonna be thankful for one small thing, even if it's just the sun shining on my face and just take it one step at a time, one day at a time.
Stephanie Baubie NP: That's beautifully said. So how did GI I Joe, finally kind of take. Because you realize that it wasn't it. You guys had that conversation. How did he take the breakup? Pretty much.
Connie Kulczycki: So we broke up when I was actually in Colorado and he was still in Japan, so it was over FaceTime. We had not seen each other in a couple months. We had. Barely communicated over those couple months that we were separated. I remember just watching his face just break down on FaceTime, but I could also see that it was, he knew.
He knew like, this is what's gonna happen. This is the best for both of us. And we didn't really talk much after that. It was very logistical. All my things were still in Japan. He had. My birth certificate and my grandma's wedding ring and my graduation ring, like all the important stuff. It was very logistical and we had a couple text conversations and that was about it.
I mean, of course, like we hear things about what happens with our exes. I've heard that he's good. I hope that he's, well, I hope he is. Having the best of his life, but it wasn't like an official closure. But I also think now, after going through that, I think closure is bullshit. It's something we make up in our heads, and yes, we want it because of course we want it, but it doesn't exist.
Stephanie Baubie NP: You're never gonna not leave a conversation with an ex without a question. So I've never really believed in closure. You really create it for yourself. I also wanna say too, like I think what people can struggle with when they're getting broken up with, you know. There can be so much anger towards the other person, but it's, it's just a reminder that like the person who's doing the breaking up with is hurting a lot too.
And there's also dealing with the sadness, the heartbreak, but also the guilt of hurting somebody. So I think. People can relate to that, where you're kind of taking on the anger and the blame and the guilt of ending the relationship when just know the other person is really just trying to do what's best for not only them, but you.
So just wanna say that.
Connie Kulczycki: I agree. I do think younger version of Connie, she forgot. She knew there was another person on the other side of the relationship, but sometimes she forgot that there was actually a person on the other side feeling things and they might not be hurting in the same exact way, but they were hurting in their own way.
And just because it wasn't the same exact as me doesn't mean that it was invalid and doesn't mean it wasn't true. I forgot that a lot. I made it all about me, and maybe that's because I'm an only child that might come through in those moments, but that was a hard lesson I needed to learn.
Stephanie Baubie NP: We've all been there, you know, being broken up with, and then you're the one doing the breaking up with and you're like, oh my God. Like this is hard. And I could argue like, I certainly don't think it's easier. I think it's just harder in a different. Way, and sometimes like you don't have the anger that's motivating you to kind of move on in a sense.
You're kind of just, in my experience, I was like stuck in limbo for a little bit when I have been in that situation because I had so much guilt over hurting somebody. So, okay, moving on to McDreamy. Oh gosh. Such a soul karmic. Connection. So the way you even describe, I, I don't know how I remember this. My memory is like ridiculous sometimes when you're at this yoga retreat and he was the host of the yoga retreat, right?
And you're like, in this class and he like walks in and it's just like you lock eyes and it's like you just re, it's almost like you guys recognized each other. That's the definition of a karmic soul. Contract if anybody has not experienced that in their life.
Connie Kulczycki: Let me tell you. Separating from those. Oh my God.
Stephanie Baubie NP: So, okay. Talk about like, what were you feeling when you saw him?
Connie Kulczycki: I feel like the world stopped honestly when I saw him and I had weeks before started. It was a couple months after GI Joe and I had decided we were getting divorced, and even though we weren't officially divorced because of just legal things and how you have to file and blah, blah, blah, I was ready to potentially start.
Looking at dating again, I was like, maybe we can start toying with it. And I had in my journal a couple weeks prior, started listing out what that person looked like, what he made me feel, what we did together, what that next version of my relationship would be. And I don't know, I saw him, the world stopped, and I was like, oh, okay.
Here he is. That's terrifying. I don't even know this person. I don't even know his name. And as I got to know him over that next week, and then as we started to get to know each other over the coming months, it was so hard to deny that he wasn't that person like he was. And I could very clearly feel, and this is when my intuition really started kicking in, but I like to deny her.
She didn't actually know what she was talking about. I would feel her. I'd be like, no, no, no, no. I know best so I could see how he could be the person, but I could also see that he still had stuff that he needed to work through that wasn't going to show up as what I needed. And so I really struggled with that fight.
Because I fell in love with him very quickly as I do. And I wanted to tell him I wanted to explode all over him and be like, I am rainbows and butterflies and hearts and pink, and let's get married tomorrow. And I couldn't do that. And that felt like a disservice to myself. And as our relationship progressed, his avoidance just came out more and more and more.
And he did eventually tell me that he loved me. But then we went weeks without saying it again. And I was like, what? Is going on. Is this a test? Do I need to stay patient? Or is, is this a test that I need to stand up for myself again? But he gave me this path of how can I keep pushing boundaries and what I want, a perfect relation, quote unquote, perfect relationship to look like that.
I was like, no, I keep, I want to keep exploring this even if it ends up hurting me.
Stephanie Baubie NP: I think very relatable. I think all of us can have been in a situation like that. But you mentioned in the early like. The first two years you guys were in an open relationship, was that something you were like interested in exploring at the same time? Like kind of how did you guys come to that agreement?
Connie Kulczycki: So when I had been with GI Joe, I know that I had started to kind of explore it because with a military relationship, obviously you don't see your partner very often, and so I was like, is this an option for us? And then just realized he's just such a sweet baby angel of a soul that it would never work with him.
So I never brought it up. Then I cheated on him and I was like, well, shit, like, am I not meant for monogamous relationships? Should I actually explore this? And the fact that I was thinking about it and then I met Raey and that was something that he also brought up that he was thinking about. I was like.
Okay, well then this could work. Let's explore it together. In that phase of my life, I was also coming out of with the man in finance, I was a very anxious attachment style with GI Joe. I was a little more avoidant, so I was trying to find my center of being more secure in my relationships. So exploring that.
Exploring open relationships with McDreamy. I was like, oh, this can be the more secure version of myself. Like how can I step into that when I know that there's a potential that he's going on dates with other people, that he's sleeping with other people? Like how can I show up secure in that and not be anxious about it, and then not get avoidant when I'm doing something similar and not tell him or not be open with him about it.
So I was trying to find my happy medium because also, again, I'm a Libra. I like balance.
Stephanie Baubie NP: Of course, bring it back to astrology. It always makes sense.
Connie Kulczycki: Always, it always makes sense. So with him, we had talked about it and we both had a lot of travels that were planned out and we didn't wanna do long distance. Coming out of that relationship with GI I, Joe, I did not wanna do long distance again.
So it just kind of fell into place. It wasn't really like a discussion, it was a, oh, this just makes sense.
Stephanie Baubie NP: And then when did you guys finally, like, how did you guys have that conversation where it's like, okay, we're not exploring anybody else.
Connie Kulczycki: I don't know if we really had the conversation 'cause I was too scared to ever like have it. But about a year into it, I found out. So I got a text or an Instagram DM from a random girl and she was like, Hey girl. And I was like, oh, now I know what this means. And she. Explained that she had slept with McDreamy months ago, and that she had just found him on Instagram and then saw our tagged photos together and realized that we had been together.
And I was like, well, it's okay. We're in an open relationship, so don't feel guilty. There's no worry here. But he was supposed to tell her. So one of our rules, we had four rules. The one that was the most important to me was telling the other person that they were in an open relationship. So he had to be honest.
I had to be honest, and that was because I didn't want those texts. It was not because I want to control him in any way. I just did not want another hey girl text because I got so many with the man in finance and it just scarred me. It scarred me. So that was about a year into it. And at that point I was like, well, I don't wanna be open anymore.
This just doesn't make sense for me. We're also spending all our time together. At that point, we had been traveling full-time together for four months, so who else was he gonna be with? What, why don't we just close the relationship conversation? I said that I didn't want it anymore, but we never really like closed it.
And then for the next year it was, we never really had the official conversation. And then at some point I was like. Okay, we're closed. And he was like, okay, this isn't still really what I want, but like I'll try it for you. And then that's how the last year of our relationship ended.
Stephanie Baubie NP: So during that time, 'cause you guys were together for three years, okay. You guys did do a lot of travel and then I'm trying to remember where you guys were, but then you started having this like rash, right?
Connie Kulczycki: Mm-hmm.
Stephanie Baubie NP: This was with McDreamy, right? Because on this podcast we talk about a lot about like, you know, physical symptoms, how it's very like emotional, unprocessed emotions.
You mentioned like other symptoms you've had in with like GI Joe, that like UTIs, which so relatable. And then with McDreamy, you were having this rash. Like what do you think you were like not processing at the time?
Connie Kulczycki: So I think a lot of it was at that time we were so go, go, go. And I would just book more stuff. I would book another flight to new country. I'd book another Airbnb, I'd book another trip. I just kept us going so that we didn't have time to sit down and have a real conversation. And I'm the type of person, so I've had scoliosis since I was, I don't know, like 10.
They told me that I first had it. They said I like have all sorts of things on my back, so I have a very high pain tolerance, so I need something to knock me on my ass in order to sit down. And slow down and actually think, and I think these rashes that I was getting was my body being like, can you please sit down?
Can you please stop? Can you please sit and actually face what's going on? And it's, it's what's going on with work. It's what's going on with McDreamy. It's what's, what is your life turning into be that you just keep booking more and more and not facing. Not being present. I was living so far in the future that I wasn't present with my actual life and I was doing all these amazing things that first year of travel, I think we went to 14 countries and we were on a plane almost every week, and it was amazing.
It was beautiful. We were seeing so many great things, but I wasn't actually experiencing them. I was just looking forward months ahead to that next trip we were going on.
Stephanie Baubie NP: Do you think it was because were you like running away from something?
Connie Kulczycki: Totally. I was trying to outrun that version of me before the man in finance that I didn't know who I was. And obviously I had evolved along the way and I was a different version of self. At that time, but at the end of the day, I was still running. I was running from who I needed to be, who I wanted to show up as in that relationship, my actual needs in that relationship.
I didn't know how to communicate them. I thought him and I had really good communication because we had started off being able to be so open about our relationship and how we wanted it to look. But when it came down to, oh, this isn't what I want anymore, I couldn't voice it.
Stephanie Baubie NP: It's hard because it's kind of what you were saying earlier, like once you say something out loud, you have to kind of face it.
Connie Kulczycki: Exactly, and so I kept it in. So then my skin, my body was like, hello, fine, we'll put it on your body. We will write it on your body.
Stephanie Baubie NP: Looking back on that relationship with Nick Drew, is there anything like else you would've done differently? I, I don't like to say like regrets because I truly think we're meant to go through everything we do, but.
Connie Kulczycki: I agree, and I think that's what's really hard about it. I ask myself this all the time because I did spend three years with him and at the age that I'm at. I'm not saying 'cause I don't think I'm old. I'm, I think I'm in my prime. Like I don't even think I've hit my prime, honestly. Like she's still coming.
It's just something you have to think about as a woman. Like where do you want your life to go? I think I was still very lost and I didn't know how to ground in that moment and I. I wish I would've taken just a couple more moments for myself to ground and be like, is this actually the direction I want to go versus just doing it?
And I think I was just in such go, go, go mode that I didn't have that time to do it, and I wish I would've given it to myself.
Stephanie Baubie NP: What do you feel like was the biggest lesson from McDreamy?
Connie Kulczycki: Honestly, I would say it's in the breakups. Yeah, we obviously, we broke up, we already spoiled that, but in the breakup, I actually let myself process it with every other relationship. I jumped into the next one almost immediately after. I never processed, so I actually allowed myself to go through the full grieving process, and I would still say I'm going through it.
I think the full grieving process is about three years long, and it's obviously in a very different way year to year, and it doesn't mean you can't move forward in a different relationship. It doesn't mean you can't move forward with your life, but it's how is it showing up and how is your body reacting to it?
Because that kind of grief, it doesn't just leave your body, it needs time to work out. You have to process so much and it's not just in those immediate months, it takes a lot of time. So. I think that is my biggest lesson and I'm so proud of my grieving process. Like I look back on it and I'm like, that was really hard and that was so beautiful, and I'm so proud of myself for letting myself go through it.
Stephanie Baubie NP: Just that whole ending of your guys' relationship was really tough to even read. 'cause you could, you know, I felt the love between you two. You know, there was that period where you guys weren't talk, kind of took a break, weren't talking, and then eventually had the conversation to end the relationship.
And then you guys both ended up in Costa Rica and then it was pretty fresh out of the relationship and you kept kind of running into him. Like my heart was in my stomach. I was like, how were you there? Like how did you do that?
Connie Kulczycki: I really like, I have no idea. I look back on it and I'm like, how, how did you show up? Because those first couple of weeks when we were in the same small town, it's about two to 3000 people. And of course it was during high season, so there's a couple thousand extra, but it's still, it is a small town.
There is one main road. You run into each other every day, like it is impossible not to. Those first couple weeks I didn't see him somehow, and I was just on edge though the whole time. I was constantly anxious and I made sure during that time period and even just like following the breakup in the immediacy after it.
I made a really, really good morning routine. Like my morning routine is just like incredible, a plus, like no notes. And I made sure to ground myself and support myself as much as possible before I even stepped out into the world every single day. And that helped me so much because eventually I did run into him and I kept running into him and I had to figure out how can I show up as my best self and not let him affect me?
And at some point. He like wore me down and it was, it was very much like I got very resentful. I ended up laying in bed for a couple of days with my windows drawn, like crying, eating cake in bed, not able to function because that's also just, that's part of the process. And if I would've avoided that, then it would've come back tenfold, and who knows why it would've popped up, because then it just pops up at the most random of moments.
That doesn't make sense.
Stephanie Baubie NP: So you just have to kind of go through all of the motions, feel your feelings, process it all. So you said you're still kind of in the grieving process. I mean, you've obviously made huge strides, happy where you're at, but how would you say you're still kind of grieving it? Have you seen him since or talked to him since the book came out?
Connie Kulczycki: So I haven't seen him since Costa Rica last year when he left town. So that was, I think in April, maybe it was May, somewhere around that timeframe. And then at some point bought a place in Denver, and then I sold it this last May, and I had posted about it on my Instagram story. He replied, and I was like, you do not belong here.
So I blocked him on everything, including Spotify, including Venmo, like, you name it, he was blocked. I was like. This man cannot have any access to my life. He is not allowed. He is done. And so. I went through that, you know, and then a couple months ago I kept getting these little intuition pings and they were like, it's time to unblock him.
And so I would sit with that and I'd be like, okay, why do I wanna unblock him? Is something happening in my life that, like I posted on my Instagram story that something's really happy and I want him to see it? Or is it when the book first got released I was like, am I doing this because I want him to see that I succeeded and I really had to sit with that.
I'd say like a month ago, I ended up unblocking him on everything because it got to the point where it felt heavier to have him blocked. Like it was actually making like a statement like, you still affect me, versus like, you actually have no control over my life anymore. And I sat with that for another day.
I really, I was like, okay, are you sure? When I felt nothing in my body, there was no reaction. I was like, okay, it's time. Okay, that's great. And I did it. And he ended up texting me a couple weeks later as I knew this man would, and it didn't even affect me. Like I saw his name on my phone, and of course I was kind of like, wait.
Interesting. But it didn't shake me like it had in the past or with any other relationship. You know, that gut that, oh my God, that terrible, terrible feeling. I didn't have that. It was just a very, oh, that's weird that he texted me and let me answer, and then it's done.
Stephanie Baubie NP: And that's kind of your closure in a sense. Like there you go.
Connie Kulczycki: I know. I was like, oh, I feel great. This is wonderful.
Stephanie Baubie NP: So, where are you at in terms of living life, traveling? Where are you going next?
Connie Kulczycki: Okay, coming out of, so I finished the first draft of my book in April, and then it went to an editor in May, and somewhere in that I was like, it's time to celebrate that. I wrote a book. It's time to celebrate that I'm out of this relationship. That I'm kind of seeing the other side of it and I'm not through it yet, but like.
I'm ready to be at this point. So I bought a ticket to Burning Man and I went to Burning Man this last year and I was like, I am single. I have so much money. I'm an gonna be an author. I'm gonna travel the world. I'm gonna do all the things that McDreamy didn't wanna do with me because he said it was too much and now I'm gonna be too much because that's who I am.
So I go to Burning Man and I. My best friend, she's Brazilian. She was born here and then she ended up moving to the US and she's like, great, let's go, but we must go with a Brazilian group. And I was like, I don't care who we go with, I just wanna go. So I was the Token American in a group of Brazilians. I.
Did not know any Portuguese. It sounded like Alien speak to me when I showed up. Had no idea. It's a burning man. I have this amazing experience and then I have this moment where I'm like, okay, I'm going to celebrate my book getting released in Brazil, because my best friend wanted to go for the end of the year.
And I was like, that's perfect. We'll have this huge party. I had this whole plan, and then I met this man at Burning Man, who's Brazilian. He ends up coming to Greece for my birthday and then just like this whole, you know, like crazy relationship, right? Then I get to Brazil in November. I was like, oh no, I'm supposed to be here.
I'm supposed to live here. And I just like, I felt it in my gut and I don't know how to explain it because none of it makes sense. I'm currently in a city, I'm not a city girl. It is. The sixth biggest city in the entire world. Like there's no greenery. There's one park, the mountains are far, the beach is far.
It doesn't make sense, but for some reason, I know I'm supposed to be here. And so I started the application for the digital nomad visa. That will give me two years here. And then I got a CPF, which is basically our version of a social security number. So I am staying put for a little bit and seeing where that takes me.
It's really interesting how it kind of all rounds out. We just finished up a nine year for the Chinese New Year, so we're now in a one year, which is also interesting because I'm going on my ninth year of being a digital nomad. So it. Perfectly kind of circles with that. I also realized that my dog is turning nine, so she's also roped up in this, and so I feel like I had my nine year crazy cycle and now this is my next nine years and it's how can I make stability but then also fulfill this like adventurous travel side of me and have both, how can I make this perfect balance between the two?
Stephanie Baubie NP: I love that. So are you still talking to the Brazilian.
Connie Kulczycki: We've had a whirlwind relationship. Um.
Stephanie Baubie NP: I'm in San Francisco right now. I met a Brazilian, like briefly, went on like a few dates. It was very like, he was not my person, but I'm like, this is a completely different way of doing things.
Connie Kulczycki: I do have to say I will never date an American again. I like, I'm so sorry. I can't, I can't. After this, I'm done. I just, I'm done. I'm here.
Stephanie Baubie NP: I mean, yeah, that's all I'm gonna say. There's just, it's just a different way of doing like things like they're just very physical touch and like.
Connie Kulczycki: I know, and I love it so much in all my relationships. I've always wanted to be more, and I've always held myself more back. Brazilians just, they just put it on you and you're like, okay. I love this, and that has inspired me though to also be more vulnerable in my relationships. And if I'm feeling something like I'm just gonna tell you I'm not gonna hold back anymore because at the end of the day, I'm only hurting myself if I don't say how I'm actually feeling.
I'm never going to get what I want. It's just never gonna happen.
Stephanie Baubie NP: Okay. Okay, so still just kind of figuring out.
Connie Kulczycki: Yeah, we, you know, we broke up after Greece and then we got back together. Then we broke up again while I was here, and then we reconnected and we're seeing where things go and it's honestly the most beautiful thing. I've never been so present in a relationship and never, never been. So, okay, so what's gonna happen?
Are we gonna get married? Are we gonna be official? Like, what do I tell my friends? What do I do? I'm just so fully in the moment and it has been my biggest mirror of a relationship. I feel like it's every single trigger, every single wound from every other relationship is showing up with him. And I have to look at it and be like, okay, do you really want this?
Do you really wanna grow? Do you really want to heal this wound? And if you do. There's something waiting on the other side, but like you cannot have it until you meet that and it's been in that way. Yes. With him, it's been a little bit of a rollercoaster, but like mentally, for me it has been the biggest rollercoaster because it has been just like, I'm doing great.
I'm so happy, I'm so in love, but oh my God, I hate myself and I hate what I'm doing and I don't know who I am. And, but let me come back up here and like, I'm so happy. And it's just, it's crazy. I've never grown so much and like felt more myself than I do now.
Stephanie Baubie NP: I love that. Well, I'm intrigued to hear the rest of the stories. We're gonna end on this final question. If someone listening to this conversation recognizes themselves in a relationship where they're having doubts in any way, what would you tell them?
Connie Kulczycki: First thing is I want them to be gentle with themselves. I want them to be kind. I want them to remember and remind themselves that we are all humans and that this is the first time we're here on Earth and we are all just figuring it out. So give yourself a hug, a really big hug, and like let it go on for far too long.
And then from there it's, I would want them to sit with themselves and ask what they really want out of life. And how do they want the next steps to look and do they want to be moving forward with this person in their lives or not? And there's no right or wrong answer. There's, you cannot ask your best friend.
You cannot ask your mom, you cannot ask your dad. You can't ask your mentor. You are the only person that has the right answer. And. It took me so long to trust myself. It took me so long to trust my intuition, to actually listen to myself. That sitting with yourself first and getting to know yourself first is the most important step, and then you can take it out into your partner and even if you're having problems with friends or mentors or work it, it's all the same.
It's coming back to yourself.
Stephanie Baubie NP: Perfect answer because no one knows you better than you know yourself.
Connie Kulczycki: No, not a single person.
Stephanie Baubie NP: So we all need to give ourselves more credit and more grace. Okay? So we're gonna close. Thank you so much for coming on. But where can people find you?
Connie Kulczycki: You can find me on Instagram at ku LLL, that's three Ls, and then my website is mind body world.co. My book is available directly on my website or it is available on Amazon.
There is an ebook version and then also a paperback version.
Stephanie Baubie NP: We'll put the information in the show notes so you guys can easily access where to get the book. Go to her website. Don't you have like offerings on your web? Am I making this up?
Connie Kulczycki: So I do, I have limited spots available for coaching for one-to-one coaching, either biweekly or weekly. And then every once in a while I do a pop-up meditation group. We just finished up a couple weeks ago as we were starting the new astrological year.
And then also, just like a hard right turn, I've been going to design school, so I've been doing embroidery and bead work, and then I'm gonna do some sewing classes. The goal is to make a couple outfits for Burning Man this year. And then for 2027, I wanna do a small batch release. Of, I don't know yet. I'm still concepting, but she's coming out at some point and I'm saying it out loud, so now it has to happen.
Stephanie Baubie NP: I love it. That's so exciting. Well, you guys buy Connie's book. You will be shook up, fall in love with it like I did, so relatable. And please let me know if you have any questions. Feel free to send me a DM on Instagram at the Inner Script pod. All information will be in the show notes if you want to find more out about Connie and by your book.
But I will chat with you guys next week. Thank you so much for coming on, Connie.
Connie Kulczycki: Thank you so much for having me, Stephanie.
Stephanie Baubie NP: If you wanna connect with like-minded women and dive deeper into these conversations, join my Patreon community. There's a free option and it's where we can talk about each episode together. The link is in the show notes and I can't wait to see you there.
Disclaimer
Everything shared in this episode is for educational purposes and personal reflection only. It is not medical advice. Always work with your own healthcare provider for individual care.
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Podcast production by Jamie Brooke.
