The Childhood Conditioning Unconsciously Shaping Your Relationships & Self-Worth
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Have you ever caught yourself reacting to something and wondered, “Why did I respond like that?”
Maybe you overthink a text message, feel guilty for resting, struggle to accept a compliment, or find yourself repeating the same relationship patterns despite your best intentions. These reactions can feel like personality traits, but what if they're actually learned responses?
In this episode of The Inner Script, Stephanie Baubie, NP sits down with Pratiqk Jaani, author of Drasti: The Perception, creator of the Drasti Method, qualified hypnotherapist, and speaker, for a thought-provoking conversation about childhood conditioning, subconscious programming, perception, and the unconscious beliefs that quietly shape our relationships, self-worth, and daily lives.
Pratiqk explains how many of the emotional patterns we struggle with as adults, including people-pleasing, perfectionism, fear of rejection, and constantly seeking external validation, may have developed long before we were aware they were happening. Rather than seeing these reactions as personal flaws, he encourages us to view them as conditioned responses that were learned over time.
Stephanie and Pratiqk also explore why external success rarely creates lasting fulfillment, how our nervous system influences the way we perceive the world, and why becoming aware of our automatic reactions may be the first step toward lasting personal growth. Together, they discuss Pratiqk's concept of the observer state and how learning to witness our thoughts instead of immediately believing them can create more self-awareness, emotional freedom, and authentic connection.
Whether you've been exploring inner child healing, subconscious beliefs, nervous system regulation, or simply want to understand why you keep repeating the same emotional patterns, this conversation offers a compassionate perspective on reconnecting with yourself beneath years of conditioning.
This episode is for you if…
You keep repeating the same emotional or relationship patterns and want to understand why.
You struggle with people-pleasing, perfectionism, or never feeling "good enough."
You're curious about childhood conditioning, subconscious programming, nervous system regulation, or personal growth.
Episode Timestamps
00:00 What "Drasti" Really Means
03:05 How Childhood Conditioning Begins
09:10 Reconnecting with Your Authentic Self
14:09 Finding the Observer State
19:44 Feeling Emotions Without Suppressing Them
24:34 Why Relationship Patterns Repeat
34:35 How Quickly Can You Rewire Conditioning?
39:11 Fear, Comparison & Social Media
44:09 Expectations Versus Healthy Relationships
47:23 One Question to Transform Your Life
Resources & Mentions
Hypnotherapy
Observer state
Childhood conditioning
Subconscious programming
Nervous system regulation
Curious about a supplement Steph has mentioned in the episode?
If you’re looking for products Steph personally recommends in practice, you can browse her dispensary here: Stephanie’s Fullscript dispensary
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Is childhood conditioning unconsciously shaping your relationships and self-worth?
To accompany this episode, Steph created The Conditioning Audit, a free printable workbook designed to help you recognize 27 everyday automatic reactions that may reveal the hidden conditioning influencing your relationships, confidence, emotional patterns, and daily decisions. Download it here: Patreon companion resource
You can also join Steph’s free Patreon community here:
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Meet Pratiqk Jaani
Pratiqk Jaani is the author of Drasti: The Perception, creator of the Drasti Method, qualified hypnotherapist, and speaker. His work explores how perception, childhood conditioning, subconscious programming, and unconscious patterns shape the way people experience themselves, their emotions, relationships, and reality.
Through the Drasti Method, Pratiqk helps people shift from the conditioned self into what he calls the observer state, allowing them to recognize reactive patterns with greater awareness and move toward emotional freedom, inner stability, and more conscious connection. His work is designed for those seeking deeper transformation beyond surface-level self-improvement.
Connect with Pratiqk: LinkedIn, Website, YouTube and Instagram. You can find his book here.
Meet Your Host
Stephanie Baubie, NP is an integrative nurse practitioner and the host of The Inner Script Podcast, where she explores the deeper stories behind health, healing, identity, and transformation. Through a blend of functional medicine, nervous system awareness, emotional insight, and honest conversation, Stephanie helps women better understand their bodies while questioning the narratives they’ve inherited about wellness, worth, and what it means to truly feel well.
On The Inner Script, Stephanie sits down with physicians, founders, thought leaders, and experts in women’s health, while also sharing solo reflections on the transitions and inner shifts that shape our lives.
Follow Steph on Instagram.
FAQs
What is childhood conditioning?
Childhood conditioning refers to the beliefs, emotional responses, behaviors, and perceptions we unconsciously learn through our earliest experiences. In this episode, Pratiqk explains how these learned patterns can continue influencing our relationships, self-worth, decision-making, and emotional reactions long into adulthood, often without us realizing it.
What is the observer state?
Pratiqk describes the observer state as a deeper level of awareness beneath our conditioned thoughts and emotional reactions. Rather than automatically reacting to life's experiences, he suggests learning to observe thoughts, emotions, and behaviors with curiosity, creating space for more intentional responses.
Why do we keep repeating the same relationship patterns?
Many recurring relationship patterns begin with subconscious beliefs formed during childhood. Stephanie and Pratiqk discuss how these unconscious expectations can shape the way we communicate, seek validation, respond to conflict, and experience intimacy until we become aware of the patterns driving them.
Can subconscious beliefs really change?
Pratiqk believes meaningful change begins with awareness. Once unconscious conditioning becomes visible, people may begin responding differently instead of remaining trapped in automatic reactions. Throughout the episode, he explains why recognizing these patterns is the first step toward emotional freedom and lasting personal growth.
How do I know if childhood conditioning is affecting me?
Automatic behaviors such as people-pleasing, perfectionism, difficulty accepting compliments, overthinking conversations, feeling guilty for resting, or constantly seeking reassurance may all be opportunities to become curious about the subconscious beliefs influencing your daily life. This episode encourages listeners to notice these reactions with compassion rather than judgment.
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Everything shared here is for educational purposes and personal reflection only. Not medical advice. Always work with your own healthcare provider for individual care.
Stephanie Baubie: Hi, everyone. Welcome back to the Inner Script Podcast. Today, I am joined by Pratik Jani, author of Drahti: The Perception, creator of the Drahti Method, qualified hypnotherapist, and speaker. His work focuses on how our perception, childhood conditioning, and unconscious programming shape our thoughts, emotions, relationships, and the way we experience life.
Through his unique approach, Pratik teaches people how to step out of automatic reactions and into greater awareness, helping them cultivate emotional freedom and deeper connection. Thank you so much for coming on. I'm so excited for this conversation
Pratiqk Jaani: Thank you very much, Stephanie. Thanks for having me on the show
Stephanie Baubie: We're just gonna dive in 'cause I've got a slew of questions here that I am so excited to ask you.
Let's start with what does Drasti mean, and why is perception and, I guess, almost conditioning kind of the foundation of your work?
Pratiqk Jaani: So, drishti is a Sanskrit word, and some of the other Asian languages like Hindi and Gujarati has adopted that word, drishti. It means perception. And the way I see is like, where are we seeing our life from? Because every point, again, if you see the world, the view will be different. It can be on a ground level, see the world, it's different.
If you go on a top of the mountain, the world seems different. What I realized through my life journey and my life experiences is that what we were chasing for, like success or love and relationships, is because we were conditioned to chase it externally. We were actually chasing fulfillment, and we were taught somehow, and I'll go to that, in that somehow later on, is we need more success, more money, more status, more assets, and that is what we are born for.
That is what we are there to experience. But unfortunately, that does not ever fulfill us, so when we set our first target of X amount, when we get there, we are happy for a short time, and then we have a new bigger target, and we are running for that. And that never ends until our life ends or we are physically not able to do, and we're still regretting, like, "I wish I had another five years, I could have made extra money."
But that doesn't fulfill us. My journey allowed me to go deeper into the reasons why we are experiencing life the way we are. What is that we are really seeking? It's not the money, and it's not the love, and it's not the relationship, and how it all started. So the answer came is that when we were born, we knew nothing about life.
Somebody taught us, "This is food, this is happiness, this is sadness, this is education. You must study, and if you don't study, you won't get a good job. If you don't have a good job, you're not gonna make good money. Money is very important." It's all about having our safety and survival, and this is not coming from just our few generations, it's coming from our evolution.
Because when we started to think as a human, we developed the cognitive ability, our main instinct was safety and survival. So, is there enough tomorrow? And that one sentence, "Is there enough tomorrow?" It's the emotion. It's not a number. It's not a quantity. So we started living life from that lack. What if there is no tomorrow?
So we have that fear, which even today we are experiencing it. Through the generation, the same conditioning has passed. When I became hypnotherapist and rapid transformational therapist, I was helping people with anger problems, self-doubts, fears, weight loss. And when I guide them to go to their childhood, and they see what was happening in their childhood and how their subconscious mind believed that this is true and this is how it should be, and the moment they saw it, they understood how they learned to have that anger, and they were able to overcome that.
It's like you see a magic trick, and you love that magic trick 'cause you can't figure out, your logical mind cannot figure out how that trick has been done. But the moment you see how that magic was done, the fun is over. It cannot give the same thrill as before. I will give an example. There was one girl, I hypnotized her on anger, and she went in her childhood.
She was three years old. She was in the baby cot, and the parents were having some argument. And within that argument, one of the parent got angry. So when one of the parent got angry, the other one submitted and surrendered and things went okay. So how this little girl perceived that event is if there is something unpleasant outside, if you react with anger, things go your way.
It wasn't the only time she witnessed that incident, right? It happened many times. And anytime she witnessed that event, the person who got angry, they got things their way. And that's how she started reacting with anger to get things her way. But the thing is, up until I hypnotized her, it was that magic which she didn't know and she was reacting out of it.
But when she saw how she learnt it, she couldn't get angry after that Because she calls me after three weeks and said, "Pratik, whatever was happening outside is still the same, but I feel calm inside. I don't feel like I wanna get my anger out." Doing this, and I was also doing self-hypnosis with my own journey, what I realized one day is I'm hypnotizing people to identify the beliefs which are not serving them.
What we are doing is planting reprogramming with positive beliefs. But then suddenly I had this realization that these both are learned experiences. Where is our real self? And when I felt that state, that state was whole, that state was complete, it was abundant. And then I reviewed my life in a flashback, and I saw that my state is seeing me when I was happy and excited.
This part is actually observing that I'm experiencing the happiness, I'm experiencing the excitement. When I went back to my sad moments, when I went back to my painful moments, this part is not affected. It's only observing what I was experiencing. And then I realized that as we were growing up, we learned meanings to the events.
Like a one-year-old child, if the father walks into the house and say, "Hey, son, I won a million dollar lottery," that little boy is not going to react, but because he hasn't learned the meaning of money. He hasn't learned the meaning, what it means by having a lottery. And same way, if somebody passed away in the house, he wouldn't cry and he wouldn't react to it because he doesn't know what has happened.
But then he sees other people getting excited about the lottery, and they go out and celebrate and probably upgrade their house and get a premium cars and all the luxury. He then learns how important money was, but before that he didn't, and he was okay with it. Same way he sees this death in the family and he sees everyone crying and sobbing and so he learns this is what has to happen, and you learn to react that way.
And unfortunately, this all happens In our subconscious mind, which is our emotional mind. So consciously, we can make resolutions on New Year day, but then nothing happens after a week. We read books, we get motivated, and we're inspired by looking at good content, which feels true, but it goes away because our actions come from our subconscious mind.
When I started showing people seeing life from their true self, they were operating from abundance. There was nothing can make them more fulfilled because they're already fulfilled. It's a feeling of the ocean. The ocean doesn't want extra one million liter water, and even if you give it, it's not gonna be affected.
If you take away one million liter water from the ocean, the ocean's unaffected because it's always full. The feeling fulfillment is a state. It is not a material possession. And until we realize that, we can keep running for money or success or status, it is still going to make us feel incomplete. When we don't receive this, it creates all the other conditionings to feel jealous, to feel not worthy, to feel stressed, imposter syndrome.
All this is because we are conditioned to create an identity. Like if we were growing up and our parents praised certain things we did, subconscious would put it in a list of good activities. And then if we did certain things which our parents didn't like or didn't praise or maybe punished, we put it in a bad activity.
We then, over the years, we learned which activities I'm getting more praises against which activities I'm getting punished, and that creates our identity that this I'm going to do because I get considered as a good son or a good person, whether it's being good with studies, whether it's being helping in the house with cleaning and laundry and all sorts of things, and listening and obeying your parents' instructions.
That all gave me praises, so I'm gonna be doing more of that. That person I take as an identity. For example, for love, the way I understood love is that I have to give a lot in a relationship to my partner in order to receive love, which meant I kept giving, giving, giving, and I never felt the love I received in return because I was operating from lack.
So it wasn't about the partner. It's about how I was perceiving it, and that's what makes you feel that you are not worthy. That makes you feel you doubt yourself, and it's all because that's what you learned. So when I experienced the wholeness, everything changed. It was my calling to reach out to as many people as possible and make them experience this life from the wholeness.
And hence, the book is out. The book is about understanding and the experience, the Trusty Method, is really want to realize and see this by themselves.
Stephanie Baubie: I love that. A lot of the things you were saying reminded me of almost kind of inner child work, and I think there's so many ways you can heal your inner child, and it sounds like hypnotherapy and this Drasti method is one way to do that because you talked about reprogramming and there's neuroplasticity involved where you're kinda giving yourself what you may have needed in that moment.
When you're talking about reversing this conditioning with your method, what does that look like? Are you offering, like, hypnotherapy or, like, meditation techniques? What's, like, a first step somebody can do to kind of acknowledge, "Okay, where am I at in my social conditioning? Who am I right now, and how do I start to reverse this?"
Pratiqk Jaani: The very first step is to identify and acknowledge that experience because one could be carrying fever, but if they never touch their body and accept that, "Oh my God, I've got a fever", you're not gonna go towards any medicine or anything. So first, one needs to identify these, and if they haven't identified, then they're already happy, and there's nothing they need to worry about.
But if you think that you feel you're not enough, if you feel you're not able to-- you're not living the life fully, there is always-- there is a lack or there is something you want. So if there is something you want, you know that is out of conditioning. How do you do it is you ask yourself a question that, is this something you born with, or this is something you learned after you were born?
Because if you learnt it, that cannot be you. That is something you learnt. That is the first step, and if, if you keep asking the questions, then you will realize that everything you defined yourself as, it is all conditioned. And cumulative of all this conditioning over the years creates our personality, and we are so much attached to it.
The ego is that identity, and it wants to protect itself. It doesn't wanna let it go, and that's its natural tendency. So when I first realized the true self, it wasn't a pleasant experience to start with because it challenged my existence from the moment I was born and what I carried myself as who is Prateek.
It was uncertain. It was scary. I couldn't breath for a few minutes. I was sweating because I wasn't ex-expecting this to realize this. And then over a few days, I started integrating with what I just experienced, and I went to that state again. And what I realized is when we were learning as part of conditioning, there are lots of labels around.
This is good. This is bad. This is happiness. This is sadness. But when you operate from the true self, you don't label them anymore. You call them different experiences. You eat chili, and it's spicy. You eat sugar, and it's sweet. You don't label this is good and this is bad They are different independent experiences.
Because you don't want anything out of it. And what happens is when you start living from that observer state or your true self, you are not engaging in any activity to receive something in return. Instead, for you to play part in that activity gives you so much joy that you can't be bothered about what's gonna come in return, because you're already whole.
And I did a lot of law of attraction practices. When I first learned about it, I was so excited and so fascinated by it that I did number of notebooks with all my affirmations and a lot of visualizations and all sorts of things. I give you an example of money. Everyone want money, right? Because we define our success through the money we hold.
I've been doing these affirmations about money, and it wouldn't change. But when I had this realization, I learned why it wasn't working. Because I was thinking positive, I was thinking as I have £10 million. I was visualizing my lifestyle that I have £10 million. But after that one-hour exercise, when I live out, what type of life I am living?
Am I looking for discounts? Am I looking for sales? Am I looking for something cheap? If that's what I'm doing the remaining twenty-three hours of the day, then that one-hour exercise is not gonna be sufficient to bring any major changes in my life. But when I started operating from my abundant mindset or abundant state, it's not even mindset.
This is a layer deeper than the mindset, which can actually control your thoughts. At this state, you know, when you're trying to visualize, like I have £10 million and there is an inner voice says you don't. But this wholeness state is a layer deeper to that voice, so there is no contradictory statement because you know you are whole, you know you are complete.
If somebody wants to start something today to change their life, they need to be open because they will see their conditioning, where it came from, and when and how they learned it. Be open to it. And whatever happens, don't resist it because it's the truth. You don't have to say it to people. There's nobody gonna judge because everything's gonna happen within you.
But if you are brave enough to accept that reality, you will reach the state which is the observer. I give a quick couple of exercises where you can identify where the observer is, that state is. When we breathe in and breathe out, if you take little pauses between the breathing in and breathing out, you feel a state where you're not doing the breathing.
There is a state, and you will see the same state. That same state is listening, who's watching inside you, listening to the words I'm speaking. So it's not the one who's listening, but there is a part which is behind that, who's watching you listen my words
Stephanie Baubie: Is this your intuition almost? Is it different
Pratiqk Jaani: Intuition is different. Intuition is something is about to happen, and you get the feeling of what's about to happen.
So it's like you're downloading certain thoughts because your brain is at a certain frequency to receive those thoughts. This state is neutral. And the third one is you shut your eyes and relax your body completely. You think of a happy moment. When you are in that moment, you will see the state is observing, it's watching you, experiencing.
It's the same state as the one I described about listening this voice, now watching you listening to the voice and the pause between the breaths. So when you try these three methods, and you will see what was common in these three, you're gonna see this is the observer. There are layers. So there is a physical body, which is triggered by the emotional reactions, which comes from the frequency.
There is a frequency body we call astral body, and then there is a mind body. So the mind receives the thoughts. It creates the frequency. That frequency triggers the emotions, and those emotions give a physical action, and it's a loop. It works two ways. But our nervous system is like a thermostat.
Whatever your nervous system is set at, the frequency, you're gonna receive those thoughts. So when you're feeling lack, if your nervous system is experiencing lack, your mind is gonna bring more thoughts of the lack, which means it's creating more frequency of the lack experience, which triggers the lack emotions, which is going to make you act, which will bring more lack to it because the like attracts like.
But when you operate from wholeness, your nervous system slowly learns to feel that wholeness. Your actions will change. You will start buying things where you don't look at the price, and you just pay for it. And it's how you feel. It's not about acting out, and your nervous system will then change its frequency.
And when it changes the frequency, the way you perceive your life will change. It will change the entire experience
Stephanie Baubie: sounds like to me, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, but the way I am kind of perceiving and interpreting this is when you get to an observer state, it's kind of like your nervous system is getting into this regulated state and you're able to operate in a place where you're not judging your actions.
Is that kind of what you're saying?
Pratiqk Jaani: we say somebody is more practical and they live their life from the perspective of material world, then there are some people whose actions come from their emotions, so they identify themselves as their emotions. Then some people think their mind is in their control, but you are within the frame of the conditioning because when you saw something, it's the five senses are like a thermometer.
It teaches, it tells you what temperature is outside. Once you perceive it, the information goes to the subconscious, but subconscious only receives the emotions of it, the actual imagery or material stuff. Because it's a loop, when you go into the observer state, see again, because we identified ourself as the conditioned self, that's the real me, that's how we treat it.
The real me, we call it observer. It's like third person. So we need to really switch the roles. When we switch the roles, the work I learned to become is conditioned self and is not me. But the one who was always there when I was born, I knew nothing, no language, no words, that feeling was always there. If you're trying to delete everything that you've learned, every memory, every word, what is left is your true self and everything what happened subsequently is what you learned.
But somehow what happened is we accepted because everyone around was doing the same thing, so it was quite normal and obvious for us to take that this is Prathik. Prathik is the one who is nice to people, or he might do that because that's what my conditioning made me. So everybody is really acting out of their conditioned programming.
That belief of the conditioned self, we take that is this is the me and when you actually find your true self, we actually get scared and that's how I, why I became breathless, like I don't know where am I 'cause I thought this is myself since I was born and then I realized it wasn't me. But it took me a couple of weeks to accept and adjust with it, and that's why I've done this three-day method in a way where it, people don't feel that or at least they know what's gonna happen 'cause nobody warned me what I was going to experience.
Stephanie Baubie: Being in that observer state, kind of like it's accessing your subconscious, which is... doesn't have any of the social conditioning. It's almost your authentic self in a way, too
Pratiqk Jaani: So the observer state is a layer deeper than the subconscious mind because, see, the rapid transformation therapy, so conditioning take place in our subconscious mind. What we learned is in, in our subconscious mind, and when we change it, we are changing the learning, isn't it? Since we were born, we considered this is black, this is black, this is black, and it gives us darkness.
So what we're doing is we said, "You learned that this is black, so now let's unlearn it and let's make it white." So from that day, everything will start becoming white. But this goes one layer deeper because if black was learned, even white is learned. You cannot be either of them. You are something on which you are putting this black and white, and that is your observer state
Stephanie Baubie: With the observer state, you're kind of observing your emotions. How do we prevent kind of when you do access that state, how do you prevent emotional suppression, like not feeling your emotions? Because we certainly don't wanna do that. What's the best way to kinda handle that?
Pratiqk Jaani: Yeah, it's a process Once you realize your true self, what happens is you could work on this by yourself once you learn the technique. It's a semi-hypnosis, and if you are go to the theta frequency, your subconscious will actually show you how you learned certain things, how to learn certain emotions, how you learn certain reactions to it.
With my journey, when I realized this, over time, there could be something, some moment where I would literally be in tears, and I don't understand why I am getting these tears. Then I started observing my state, that I connect with the state of observer and see what was really happening. And what I really learned is when the emotion loses its power to grab us, because we learned the magic now, the same magicians shows us another tricks, same trick again, we won't feel like clapping because it's boring now, 'cause I know this is a trick.
It's not magic. So if you learned how you learned to be angry, if you see that for yourself, you won't be feeling angry again. But there were incidents in past where you wanted to be angry, but you couldn't because that might have made the situation worse. Because, for example, I was angry at my boss, but I couldn't show my anger.
I'm keeping those emotions. Any emotions which we had been suppressing, after this realization, those emotions find their way to get out of your system because they're no longer needed, 'cause you're never gonna get that anger out. And the tears I was getting because of that, 'cause I was releasing the emotions which were not expressed before.
And when that happens, your body becomes lighter. You feel lighter, and your nervous system opens up. To understand the state of nervous system, I use this example. If you make a fist, you are stressing, you're using the energy 'cause you want to make a fist. When we are stressed, we are worried, we are in pain, we are into safety and survival mode, so we are stressing our body.
You can't receive anything when you make a fist. If you let go and if you open your hands, it requires no energy, and it's open and so easy to receive. Because since our childhood conditioning, the negative emotions which we had been carrying was keeping our nervous system so tight that despite trying everything, every method, we were not able to receive.
But when you see that those were the tricks you learned to experience, it's no longer yourself. There is no need for them, and they'll start to release. And the more you release, accept it's the feelings of ecstasy because there was something suppressed which you didn't know, and it's now finding its way out, and you feel so lighter.
I'll try to give example of how I feel from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed is if somebody's working corporate job full time, and they're always stressed with the deadlines, getting on time, and meeting the targets, the weekend they spend one hour playing the piano 'cause they like playing piano.
Now, that one hour is kind of charging that person. Now, it could be art or it could be singing, it could be any activity, but you feel so amazing that you can then go on for another week of stress and running around. Now, why that piano playing or any activity like that was giving us joy Because we were not expecting anybody to clap.
We were not wanting anything in return. Instead of playing that very piano was giving us joy. So when you operate from observer state, anything you do, the doing itself gives you so much joy that you're not really attached to any outcome from those activities, and that will take you withdraw the control we were trying to have on the outcomes.
So when we stop controlling the outcome, our energy, which was creating the stress, this must happen in a week's time, this must happen in a month's time, we let go of that naturally because we know we are abundant. It will open up the nervous system, and you will start manifesting the things which you are supposed to experience.
Because if I want to manifest something, that want came from conditioning. You won't feel the fulfillment even if you manifested that. But when you feel that fulfillment, when you feel that wholeness, whatever comes, it's just gonna give you joy because you never expected anything, and you are just unfolding different experiences.
Like for me, us having this discussion and I'm sharing this information, it's giving so much joy that I'm not thinking how many people are going to watch, what are the commercials of it. I'm not into it. Yes, I do feel that people needs to know this, so they also experience this bliss which is there within them, but it's just covered under this condition, and we are sad, we are crying.
I was talking to somebody earlier. The family, the couple had so much problem, they actually ended their life, left their kids behind. I was shaken by that. That I- actually made me feel even stronger that this is why I really wanna reach out to people to see your true self because they were conditioned to say respect.
They had a fear of people judging them, what they will say, that society and that. All that was conditioning
Stephanie Baubie: It's terrible. And I kind of wanted to ask you about how conditioning shows up in relationships because I think a lot of the times we are unknowingly projecting our past experiences, which is conditioning, onto somebody else. How do we stop doing that? I think it's, like, such an important question because we're all going to get triggered in a relationship no matter what.
You can't eliminate those, but it's how can somebody know when something is coming, like a trigger is coming from projection, and how do they prevent themselves from putting that on their partner?
Pratiqk Jaani: I mentioned how I learned what love is. So as we are growing up as a kid, we see other couples, we see movies, we see romantic scenes and how the cards and flowers and balloons, and we learned how to express love. We learned what is love. It has a lot of sacrifices. It has lots of different concept or ideas of expressing the love.
We mustn't forget there is also a natural instinct for reproduction which happens at an age which is the natural process like every other creature. But if we are operating from any kind of lack, our nervous system is feeling the lack, and no matter how many partners we date, we will always experience the lack because that is what our awareness is focusing on.
So what happens is, I'll give an example. If there is a busy road and there are hundred cars passes every ten minutes, and if I asked you, can you count how many red cars passes? And you're gonna tell me thirty-seven red cars. And if I then ask you how many white cars, how many silver cars? And you're gonna say, "No, I didn't pay attention to it."
And the reason you were looking for red cars because you knew that's what you were supposed to do. Now because you're operating from lack, when you're dating someone, your focus is finding that lack. Although you consciously want to fulfill the lack, what we are really looking for is not the white or silver car, is the red car.
So if you message the person you're dating and if he replies or she replies saying in small words because he's in a meeting, and instead of ignoring the message, that person decided to at least say something, so you feel there is a response. But if we are operating from lack, we wouldn't think like that.
We will think, "Oh, I sent this big message, and he only said okay?" Because it's how we are perceiving that 'cause that's how we've been programmed. What happens if we are in a lack, we have expectation, list of expectations from our partner that will ultimately make us feel complete, make us feel whole. But then that person is also having his own conditioning or her own conditioning.
And unless you become aware of the situation, when you learn it, if two partners are both from observer state, they are operating from wholeness, they choose to be together to experience life together rather than becoming dependent on each other. Because we know we are whole, we know we are complete It's a partnership to do things together rather than fulfilling each other's lack.
And when the one person is not able to complete the lack, then that's where the problem starts. And then maybe one breaks up and goes to another relationship, and in few months' time, you find that person to be exactly like the first one because it's you who hasn't changed. And that is why there are a lot of reprogramming methods out there, shifting your energy methods.
And what they say is that if you straightaway go from one relationship to the other, there are higher chances that you will attract the same personality partner. It might look different on the outer surface, but internally it's gonna give you exact same experience. But it doesn't mean that if you waited three years or five years, but if you didn't shift your energy, if you didn't have any work on yourself, the state of your nervous system is still the same, and it's gonna make you attract to the same partner.
It isn't about the gap in between, but we expect that within that gap you would have shifted to a certain extent. I guess that covers the answer because when you operate from wholeness, whatever you do, it's not because you want something in return. Being with that person gives you joy. If that person busy pursuing his purpose, you are still whole, you are still complete
Stephanie Baubie: How much of being in this observer state is almost like self-trust in a way because you can't ever be 100% certain about somebody, but is kind of accessing this observer state in a relationship where you're coming from this place of wholeness also self-trust?
Pratiqk Jaani: The observer state. See, anything which we can define with words, that is the world of conditioning. And it's not a wrong thing. It's not a bad thing. Because if you think of it, I said earlier that the observer state was there active when we were children, but we couldn't make any sense of it. We couldn't understand the language.
We couldn't think anything. And we learned things to name those experiences. So the only reason I could tell this is my real self, the observer self, is because I went through the process of conditioning. Because if I didn't learn that, I wouldn't have been able to recognize myself that this is my true self.
Pratiqk Jaani: Now, what is trust? What is trusting someone? Because there is a lack in you, and you want to feel that fulfillment, and instead of you taking that responsibility, you wanna give it to someone with the word trust. And if they are not able to deliver, you don't wanna again take responsibility, and we wanna say, "That person betrayed me."
But that only started because we operated from lack. So if you are whole, if you are complete, you are enough. So if your partner stays with you, you are happy and you are in joy. If that partner doesn't stay with us, we are still whole, we are still complete. We don't feel that there's the water out of the ocean and more water in the ocean.
You are the ocean. So there is nothing can give you more joy or less joy because they are all different experiences. And I'm not saying that you stop feeling the pain, but instead of making that pain so personal to you, instead you're gonna experience the pain because you're whole. It's like you participate in a drama or a movie, and you play a character, so you could be playing a character of a billionaire, but you know that out of the drama, this is your true self.
If you are playing a character of a criminal or someone who's suffering and struggling a lot, you go and play that character, but that doesn't take over you because you know that that's not you. You are outside that character. So when you realize that the conditioning was that script you were playing, but the true self is really out of it, it won't impact you 'cause you have a lot of bliss.
You access to that blissful state.
Stephanie Baubie: I hear this a lot with people where they're like, "I just have trust issues." How would you respond to somebody like
Pratiqk Jaani: The law of attraction says you experience what you are inside, your internal state. I use this example, I said this earlier, our five senses, our thermometer, and they tell you what is out there. It's like what's the temperature in a room? But if you wanna change the temperature, if you visualize the thermometer to be different temperature, it's not gonna change the temperature.
You gotta change the thermostat. So if you change the thermostat, then the room will change its temperature, and then the thermometer will say, "Now it's changed." When somebody says trust issues, it's because there is a lack, and it's not their fault to trust someone to fulfill that lack because they've brought up seeing others doing that.
Like, my parents would trust each other on certain things. My uncle and aunt is trusting each other on certain. Because we are all conditioned. We don't have a set community or set rules that at a certain age you will realize who you truly are. It's not like that. Everything happens as a part of natural process.
Because everyone is following the same rules, we are taking that as normal, and that becomes our truth. So then we have our list of expectations, and then there is, if it doesn't happen, we have a disappointment. And when it doesn't happen, there is also a rule book or a programming how we overcome that. So either you can be aggressive and go on social media and do bad mouth about that partner who betrayed you, or you will completely block that person.
It depends again, what procedure resonated with you when you were learning, what felt fair to you. So you might saw a movie and you saw a couple having an argument or a fight because somebody cheated on the partner, and we learn how to react to it, and we somehow manifest that as our experience because it went straight into that feeling of hurt.
We resonated with it so much that we actually end up manifesting that. But if you become aware of it, that this is how the conditioning work, this is how my nervous system get affected, if you're in the observer state, you will be conscious of the thoughts you are receiving, and you can choose whether you wanna think about it or you don't wanna think about it.
If you choose to think about it, it will follow the process of the frequency, the emotions, and the actions. But if you say, "I have a partner," and the one beautiful thing is that everybody is wanting fulfillment. So whatever actions they are taking, whatever words they are speaking, is for them to feel better about themselves.
Now, if we don't like it or if we take it as betrayal, it is the byproduct of what they want to achieve. They don't have deliberate intention to hurt us, but this is the mechanism. So they could hurt us, but because they wanted to feel better doing that. So, you know, when we talk about jealousy is when we can't achieve something which others have, we have that lack, so we wanna feel better, so then we start feeling that jealousy.
It's about the insecurities, and when you feel insecure, how do you overcome those emotions? So this is all programming. And if you have one event and you can see how you react to it, and if you start going through your history, you will be able to pick that, "I must have learned from so-and-so person," because that person does exactly like this.
Because at one point, that person was your role model, and when we have, uh, some Hollywood actors and they become our idol, we start learning the way they speak, the way they talk, the way they dress, that their programming somehow in inheriting in us
Stephanie Baubie: How long does it take to kind of reframe social conditioning? I imagine it's a lifelong journey, but how long does it take for us to maybe really feel that shift in our lives due to this reframing?
Pratiqk Jaani: The answer will surprise you. As a kid, we learned the bicycle, the two-wheeler, and we learned to balance. It's not about how long it takes to balance it. The learning to balance is just that moment. But just to reach that moment, it can take a week, it can take six months, it can take two months. How much determined you are.
With Drasti method, with three days, the way I have structured it, because I want one to believe and experience from themselves rather than using my words or my story. So I take them on a journey so they can feel, experience how they were conditioned on every single emotion. The key emotions I've listed, and they would experience, and they'll see how this magic was done.
Once you learn for yourself how the magic was done, that magic has no power over you anymore. Then I take them to the observer state, and they will stay with the observer state for enough time that after three days when they leave, they will be automatically going to observer state when anything happens outside.
So if somebody came angry at me, automatically my observer state will be activated and, okay, I'm not gonna react to it. Because not only I learned to react with anger previously, the other person is reacting out of his or her conditioning. It's not him or her. Who am I reacting to? The conditioning part, which is learned version of them, or the real self who is not activated in that person.
Now you change your reaction to them. Now their programming was actually expecting something different from you, because if they came with anger, they expected you to be defensive, but now you didn't. So now they don't know how to react to it, so they also get calmer. They start wondering like, "Huh, Vik wasn't angry."
Over time, as you interact with people, they will say, "Oh, you've changed. You've become so calmer." And this is the stuff I've heard a lot. I never had anger issues. What I did actually have is the restlessness because I wanted to achieve a lot in my life. But whatever I achieved didn't give me fulfillment.
So the realization of true self is literally instant. If somebody is in their journey, again, the only people who would realize this, who is actually searching for the answers. You can make the delicious dish of the world, but if I'm not hungry, I won't be able to feel the taste of it. So I need to be hungry first to be able to eat and really feel the flavors of it.
If we are operating from lack and we've tried a lot of methods and none of them worked, this is a perfect session for them. And once they realize this, every method which didn't work for them will start to work because this was a missing puzzle
Stephanie Baubie: So it sounds like it kind of, it first takes like a degree of self-awareness in order for this journey to start, this reframe
Pratiqk Jaani: More than self-awareness, when you're in pain, when you're suffering, the conditioned self is wanting some solution. It wants to feel the peace. So you are more in open state. When you tried everything and nothing worked, you are more vulnerable. You're more open to try anything because whatever you knew, you've tried and it didn't work.
So now anything else, I'm going to give it a go. I'm not resisting with what, what is coming to the suggestion. So you're more in receiving mode, I think. But I'm not saying they cannot. Like, I am not chasing anything. I'm not after anything, but I can still be open to receive something. So if somebody comes and say, "Can you try this experiment?"
And I'll do it because I've tried every single thing over the last 12 years, as I counted earlier. I experimented. Within law of attraction, there are thousands of methods, like two glass of water and one glass of water and put the string over it. I've done lots of crazy things. It seemed funny at that time, but I'm like, because I was in a state, if anything, if somebody's told me something so weird, even trying to do prank with me, I would take it seriously and I will do it.
Once you are at that level or even if you're on a journey of knowing the self, that you have a little bit of craving that this doesn't seem right, because I used to tell my parents why the animals don't have to go to school and I have to do all this homework. I didn't know, and then my dad didn't have answer because he never had this question, so he never asked his dad, like, "Why do I have to study?"
And unfortunately, what happens when you actually study, you actually get a job and you start making money, and it all kind of fulfills the logic, the expectations. So that's why we don't question, and we cannot question because we don't know that there was a question to start
Stephanie Baubie: That's a really good reframe. I feel like on social media right now, there's just so much fear-mongering with optimization culture and doing XYZ. It's not enough of what you were saying before, kind of feeling joy, and I actually talk about that a lot in terms of trying to feel your best. It's experiencing joy, actually enjoying your life, feeling alignment.
Why do you think we have become so fearful? I just feel like we've become this fear-based culture of, like, everything's scary, and we're operating from fear in all aspects of our life
Pratiqk Jaani: Because we have learned to set huge expectations on us. See, world evolves, the material world evolves, becomes more advanced and more technology-driven or more luxury-driven. But emotions haven't evolved. The feeling of fear was same 5,000 years ago, 1,000 years ago, 100 years ago. But what you're fearful of has changed, so the external world is evolving.
Internal emotions are still the same. So before, I mean, still is the case that our net worth is our scoreboard, so how many people will respect us, will speak to us nicely, it depends on how much money we have. But because we can't really see people's bank balances, the social media has better numbers to it, how many followers you've got, how many views you have.
So now there is another scorecard or your net worth statement which is publicly available for one to feel the status. If I say where this originated from is when we became human, the freshly thinking beings. We were migrated from the Amazon jungles to all over the world, and we kept moving. And we moved in groups, and the reason we did that is that we have support of each other for safety, survival, and food.
But in this, there was one leader, which we call alpha, and that leader was providing safety, security, right place, and he was strong if he had to fight. And then that leader had some other staff. I wouldn't say staff. They're like their support system. So he would then guide, like, "Can you go and check these four people?
Can you go and check with food or sleeping arrangements and things like that?" And they used to sleep on the trees and things 'cause there was no houses built, and they were just roaming around for food. I think we still have the same structure. There is one person who's ruling, and they have a support system who looks after different departments, and there are people who is provided safety and security.
So the people who were supporter of the king got more respect in a society, so they either had lot of money or they had some power. So we are longing for that. We
want to become that, so we come from the majority to that superior minority But because the scarcity mindset is always there, we operate from the lack, we are always lacking that, and that's why we want more money.
And even today in a society, if you are wealthy, you are gonna get respect because everyone's conditioned for the same structure, which was thousands of years ago. So we might have learned to make the house, we might have learned to build big industries and technology and world, but our inner self, there is still a desire to be that king or be that person who gets more respect from the king.
That's why we're looking for our worth statement. And when you cannot get it, we feel bad about it, we feel sad about it, and that's where the stress comes in a place. That's where the pressure comes in. And the thing is, it's not only attaining that state, it's also retaining that state. Because you might have £10 million today, but if you spend it, you lose your status.
It's like the share price is going up and down. So when you can't sustain that wealth, you've got to put a mask over it. You have to pretend that you have a lot of money. And that is why sometimes people go on holidays, use up credit cards. They don't have money, but because everyone's putting their holiday pictures on Instagram, you have to do it, otherwise you will be left behind.
Now, this is a conditioning. So we force ourself to do something which we are not having enough resources. The reason we don't have those resources, because we were operating from the lack in the first place. The more you become relaxed about things, you let go of things, the more you will start to receive.
But this is a really tough exercise. But if you wanna make it simple, you just go to your observer state because that state does not want any praises from anyone. It doesn't want any status from anyone. It doesn't want any money from anyone. It is so complete by itself that it's not bothered about what people are talking on his face or behind his back.
He doesn't even bother answering them because there is no point. Because the people who are creating this are acting out of their conditioning. The moment they will realize their true self, they will stop talking
Stephanie Baubie: You mentioned expectations of other people. What would be the difference of having expectations of someone, but like a relationship, friendship, coworker, whatever, versus having standards in any type of relationship? How would you decipher between those two?
Pratiqk Jaani: See, the whole series of expectations came out of conditioning because we grew up and as a child we saw the father is going out to work, brings money, and mom is looking after the things. The mom is providing the food, housing the family, and father is taking care of the external side. And there is a two-way relationship.
It's a give and take, and it needs to be equal is what we feel. But it's not actually equal in numbers because they both have different strengths and weaknesses, and together they are one. We are driven by emotions, we are driven by our thought processes, and there is logic there. Overall, it's hundred, sometimes it's fifty-fifty, sometimes sixty-forty, sometime it's ninety-ten.
But overall, they make one hundred. And if you operate from wholeness, you would be easily able to understand the other person's position, the other person's strengths and weaknesses. Because you don't have expectations to start with, you will not have any disappointment with that person. It is not wrong to have expectations, but if it's not been fulfilled, your observer state will-- the idea is to not feel the disappointment, not to blame someone else or not even blame yourself, because the emotions of disappointment were learned.
Because our mom asked dad to do something like, "Come early today, we gotta go out," and he was two hours late, so the mom's disappointed now. Then the father walks in, and then they have a little argument. So we learned what is a disappointment like, 'cause you expect someone to act in certain way at certain time, and they didn't So we feel disappointment.
But it's okay. We can go two hours later. It's all because how we perceived growing up, those external events created our personality, our list of expectations from friends, our list of expectations from partners, family members, our children, everybody. And when we see the Gen Z generation, they are very different.
Now, by saying that, so if I look at myself, I am very identical personality to my father. My father is very identical personality to his father because we had a similar surrounding when I was growing up. But then that time there was not that much TV or phones and internet. Now, the kids have exposure to the entire world, and they can choose subconsciously what they want to become.
So my kids are not gonna be like me because they have a lot different exposure than I had. But because I wanna hold on to my identity and I want them to become like me subconsciously, I, A, will try to restrict them and become a strict father and say, "You're not allowed to do this, you're not allowed to do..."
Or I would let them do it, but I need to condition myself, keep saying, " The now generation is different. We can't expect anything from them. They just wanna live their..." So by keep repeating those sentences, it's our coping mechanism. So when our parents shout at us on something, it's actually their coping mechanism.
It's not they really don't mean that to us. It's just their conditioning created certain expectations about us. And because we're not doing the same thing, they are telling themselves to reprogram
Stephanie Baubie: Love that. I can't believe we're, like, at close already. I could talk to you for another hour. But one final question. What is one thing you wish everyone could take away from your work and everything you've learned?
Pratiqk Jaani: Ask a question. The experiences, your experiences which are bothering you, is it your true self or it's something you learned from the point you were born up until now? If possible, make a commitment that you want to experience your true self one day. The journey starts now
Stephanie Baubie: The journey starts now. Let's end on that. So please tell everyone where they can find you, buy your book, all the things, social media
Pratiqk Jaani: Yes. So the book is available worldwide on Amazon. There is a website called pratikjani.com. There is also another website which actually talks about the experiences. There are three-day immersive experience for general public, but then there's also corporate solutions. I'm helping corporates to help their employees to have a better work-life balance and help with their mental health.
All that is on a website called drastimethod.com. I am on Instagram, YouTube, LinkedIn, but all the links are on the website, so if they go to the website, they will find me anywhere
Stephanie Baubie: Awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming on. This is such a wonderful conversation, and I think people will really relate to it. If anybody has any questions, feel free to send me a DM on the Inner Script Pod on Instagram. Thank you so much for coming on. It was so nice to meet you
Pratiqk Jaani: Thank you very much, Devlin, for having me on the show and giving me the platform. I really enjoyed the conversations. Thank you very much
Stephanie Baubie: All right, guys. That's all we have. I will talk to you guys next week
Stephanie Baubie: If you wanna connect with like-minded women and dive deeper into these conversations, join my Patreon community. There's a free option and it's where we can talk about each episode together. The link is in the show notes and I can't wait to see you there
Disclaimer
Everything shared in this episode is for educational purposes and personal reflection only. It is not medical advice. Always work with your own healthcare provider for individual care.
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Podcast production by Jamie Brooke.
